I can't stay away
by heartbreakingXbreathtaking
Summary: A one-shot about the difficulty of loving someone even though it might not be good for you. A songfic to The Veronica's "I can't stay away". Some cursing and some mentioning of sexual contents.


**So this is another songfic. I have had such a writers block, It have really been a nightmare. Another nightmare is school, it takes so much time! I'm just so happy that I actually finished something even though I might not be so happy in the morning since I have an early class. But screw it, a girls got to do what a girls got to do! Sorry for eventual grammar and spelling mistake, I have a program for it but sometimes we don't get along so… Oh well! I used the song "I can't stay away" by The Veronicas (aren't they just awesome!) It's such a beautiful song with so much emotions. I don't own Camp Rock or any of the characters, that can hardly be a surprise. I hope you like it!**

I can't stay away

_This is wrong,_

_I should b__e gone._

_Yet here we lay cause I can't stay away._

"Fuck!" I closed my eyes trying desperately to shut out what had just happened. It didn't work. Just like it hadn't worked the last time. Or the time before that. I couldn't believe that I fell for it again! How could I have been so stupid? I turned my head slightly to the side and locked eyes with the most mesmerizing brown eyes I had ever seen. Oh yeah, that's why. Shane smirked at my obvious annoyance and let his hand trace my jaw line for a couple of seconds before he got out of bed and walk in to the bathroom. I released a breath that I wasn't even aware that I was holding. God he looked good naked! Sure, he always looked good, with or without cloths. And it wasn't because of the sex that I kept coming back. Sure, the sex was amazing, mind-blowing even. But that wasn't the reason I always ended up in his bed, or whatever other place we did it at. It was the way he made me feel when he touched me. The way I felt when he traced my jaw line or placed a lock of my hair back behind my ear. Those tender moments were the reason I kept coming back for more, even though I knew that it was wrong. I should run as far away as possible and forget that I ever met Shane Adam Gray. I knew that he didn't feel the same. Shane wasn't the type who fell in love. Cause I had fallen in love with him, even though I went down kicking and screaming. Not literally of course but none the less kicking and screaming. And I kept falling harder and harder everyday. So I kept coming back to him, to his bed, to the only thing he was willing to offer me. It wasn't the "fairytale-roses-prince charming on a white horse-white picked fence-live happily ever after" kind of love but it was still love, in a painful and twisted kind of way. I was torn from my thoughts as Shane exited the bathroom, now with a towel wrapped around his waist and beads of water coming down his chest.

_Roses bloom_

_In your dirty room_

_I come to play_

_Cause I can't stay away_

_No I can't stay away-ay_

He came over to me and sat on the edge of the bed.

"You wanna take a shower babe?" He let a hand trace the outline of my shoulder and I couldn't help but shiver under his touch. I saw him smirk and I felt a flare of irritation over the fact that he knew all to well the effect he had on me. That irritation was probably the reason that my next line of words came out harsher than I had intended.

"Sure, after spending more than an hour in your apartment I feel like there is stuff growing on my skin. Seriously Shane, when was the last time you cleaned this place?" If it had been any one else they might have taken offence by my harshness and the glare in my eyes. But not Shane. It was like anything and everything I said just went right through him. Like it didn't face him that I just insulted his home and his cleaning habits. He just smirked again and shrugged. When I thought about it, it was a pretty lame thing to say. Why would Shane care about fact that I though his apartment was disgusting, even if it was true, when he didn't care about what I thought about anything? Why would he care? I kept coming back didn't I? It didn't matter how many times I told him that this was the last time. That I had it with him and our twisted relationship. It might take an hour, a day, one time I lasted almost two weeks, but in the end I always came running back to him. And he would be there, waiting, with a smirk on his oh-so-gorgeous face. He would pull me to him; nibble the crook of my neck as he whispered a " I told you so". I loved and hated those moments. I loved them because I was back in his arms, where I belonged, but I hated them because it made me feel weak. Weak and needy. And I hated the feeling of need that always would fill me when I thought of him. It was like an addiction. It was like he was my personal brand of heroin. **(I know, I know, stealing is bad. Don't sue me!) **

_I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away_

I looked up at the small balcony and my heart jumped when I saw Shane standing there, following me with his eyes as I walked away. Maybe he did care after all, just a little bit? But then I saw his eyes shift and as I followed his gaze I froze and felt my heart tear open a little more. He was now leaning on the rail and smiling at a beautiful blond who had stopped below his balcony. She was asking for the way to the closest drug store. I closed my eyes for a brief moment and prayed that he would just give her direction and send her on her way. I felt like my knees would give in as I heard him answer that he could show her the way, he was going there himself anyway. And maybe they could take a coffee or something afterwards? My eyes opened just in time to meet Shane's as he pulled back from the rail to exit the balcony. I thought I saw a flash of guilt in those brown orbs but I forced myself to turn around and walk away, willing myself not to cry until I was out of his sight.

By the time I reached the apartment that I shared with my best friend Caitlyn I was out of tears and a throbbing headache was manifesting it self. My hope was to sneak in to my room unseen but since I'm me and there fore extremely clumsy I tripped on my sport bag and crashed into a small table in the hallway. Seconds later I heard Caitlyn's voice just moments before her and Nate appeared in the doorway leading to the kitchen.

"Mitchie?" Nate's voice was filled with concern, concern that probably had something to do with the fact that I was I a heap on the floor.

"Yeah, hi. I wasn't looking were I was going. Don't mind me; I'm just gonna go get a shower before I get to class." I made an attempt and a very good one if I may add, to sneak past them and in to my room but I failed. I failed miserably.

"Not so fast missy! Where have you been all night? And why won't you look at us?" Caitlyn caught my arm which made me lower my head even further and shy away. But Caitlyn isn't the type of person you easily fool. She is also stubborn as hell and this time wasn't any different. She tugged at my arm, pleadingly and with a sigh I slowly lifted my head to face them. At the sight of my tear stained face and red, puffy eyes Caitlyn gasped.

"Oh Mitchie, you were with him, weren't you?" The look on my face was answer enough. Nate shook his head.

"Mitchie, not again!" This outburst earned him a glare from both me and Caitlyn.

"Nate, not helping! And Mitchie, again?!" I cringed at the shrill tone in her voice.

"Caitlyn, what the fuck! Are you trying to make me permanently deaf? And don't look at me that way. It's my life; I can do what I want."

"And what you want is bad sex…"

"It's not bad, it's great, amazing, fantastic, mind-blowing…" Caitlyn didn't let me continue and Nate had turned a slight shade of green. He obviously didn't like me talking about me and his cousin having sex.

"Yeah, ok, we get it. The sex is amazing. So what you want is **amazing **sex with that egoistic, self loving, two timing player. Yeah, sure! And I guess that you also want to come home at seven in the morning crying!" Caitlyn was now yelling so load that I was sure that the whole building heard her.

"Caitlyn…"

"No! Don't you Caitlyn me! I am sick and tiered of you getting your heart broken by that jerk! No offence Nate, but your cousin are an idiot! He is selfish, rude…"

"Ok, Caitlyn. I'm not arguing with you." Nate placed a calming hand on Caitlyn's shoulder. Caitlyn took a deep breath and when she looked at me again she had tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know it's your life and that you can do whatever you want. But I hate to see you hurt. I hate the look you get in your eyes when we see him with another girl. I hate to see you cry over him and I hate to hear you cry at night. I hate that he's breaking your heart over and over again and you're letting him. You're my best friend and I hate to see what he does to you. It hurts to stand by and watch you two dance that twisted dance that you do" When I came home I thought I was all out of tears but I was wrong cause by the end of Caitlyn's little speech I had tears streaming down my face again. I thought I saw a tear or two in the corner of Nate's eyes too.

"I know Caitlyn, and I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you and I really don't wanna hurt like this. But I… I can't stay away."

_I was numb  
For you I come  
Night and day  
And I can't stay away  
No I can't stay away_

I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away

I watched the street below the open window as I let the gentle night breeze caress my face. It was 4 am and I was at Shane's apartment. Again. I had really tried to stay away, I really had. I had refused so see Shane, even though he tried every possible way to persuade me. He had called, sent sexy texts, he even sent me flowers. I was really touched, for about fifteen seconds. Then I read the note that came with the flowers. It said; happy birthday Elizabeth. I found out from Nate that Elizabeth was his elderly neighbour and that she had given one of her birthday bouquets to him when he had told her about this girl he liked that wouldn't go out with him. He left out the fact that he had seduced me about a thousand times, stood me up on my birthday, made out with girls in front of me and broken my heart more times than I can remember. I glanced at the bed where Shane was fast asleep. I had lasted three weeks and two days. Then he had shown up at the restaurant where I work extra as a waitress. The way he talked and the look in his eyes had made my walls crumble. He had look so lost and scared, vulnerable. And I fell for it, I fell for him again. I let myself fall back into the hurricane that was me and Shane. It wasn't Shane's fault, not all of it. I had a choice. I could've said no and walked away. Couldn't I? My eyes caressed his face, the long eye lashes and those lips that just an hour ago made me burn. As I sat there watching him I felt almost paralyzed. I felt like my feelings have all been washed away and there was a big emptiness inside of me. My eyes drifted to the door to the living room. I could walk out, right now. I could walk out and never come back. But my body was numb, all I could hear was the sound of a motorcycle driving by outside. I kept my eyes on the door, not moving. I felt like I was waiting for something, what I wasn't sure of. Suddenly I felt a pair of arms sneak around my waist.

"Hey, babe, what are you doing up? You can't sleep? Shane placed a kiss on my shoulder and placed his chin on the top of my head. I leaned in to his embrace, cherished the feeling of his body close to mine.

"I guess not. I just have a lot on my mind." I could literally hear Shane smirking. I knew that, that wasn't possible but I guess that's what happens when you know someone so well.

"Well, maybe I can help you with that." I only resisted for a moment before I gave into the feelings his hands and his mouth was producing. With one last glance at the door I let him lead me back to the bed. I knew I couldn't walk away.

_I wish I could  
Leave and never return  
Baby, I know I should  
But for you I'd burn_

Stay away  
'Cause I can't stay away-ay

As my psychology professor tried to make us understand the importance of... Hell I didn't even know what she was talking about, I was too busy trying to stay awake. The previous night was replaying in my mind, over and over again. After Shane had pulled me back to bed he had made me feel things I didn't think was possible. He had turned my skin into fire and kept me burning the rest of the night. I knew that our…thing, cause it wasn't a relationship, wasn't healthy. Not emotionally or psychically. Over the past six months I had found it harder and harder to concentrate on school and work. I wasn't getting enough sleep and I was just… Not the Mitchie I was before I met Shane. I knew all this logically but I just couldn't break the spell he had on me. Stupid, stupid me! Why couldn't I walk away? And stupid, stupid, stupid Shane! Why couldn't he be a good guy, a nice guy? Why couldn't he be my boyfriend? Why did he have to hook up with all those other girls? Why wasn't I enough? Because of the questions running through my head I didn't hear the professor ending the lecture. It was first when another student asked me if I could move so he could get passed that I woke up from my own personal little world. I quickly gathered my things and left the room, my head still full of questions.

_I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away_

I was one of the last too leave the room so it was pretty crowded when I made it out of there. I spotted Mary and Felicia, two girls in my class and went up too them. Mary spotted me first and smiled at me.

"Hi Mitchie! You look tiered. Did you think the lecture was that boring?" I smiled and shook my head.

"No, not at all. I just haven't…been sleeping that good lately. Do you think I can borrow your notes? I really didn't get anything down."

"Sure, you wanna copy them right now?" I didn't get a chance to answer before Felicia grabbed Mary's arm in a firm grip.

"Ok, the most gorgeous guy is standing right over there!" Mary followed looked in the direction that Felicia was, not very discreetly, pointing and gasped. She took a hold of my arm.

"Holy hell! He is all mine!" Felicia glared at her.

"No fucking way! I saw him first!" I was much shorter than the two girls that both were around 5,7 so I couldn't see the guy in question. Just then Justin, Mary's cousin came up from behind us and put an arm around my and Felicia's shoulders.

"Who's all yours?"

"The guy over there. In the white t-shirt and black jeans. The one with a lily in his hand." Now I was trying even harder to get a look at the guy. Lilies were my favourite flower so I wanted to see this guy. He obviously had good taste in flowers. Justin seemed to have noticed the flower too.

"Girls, I think he's already taken. He is holding a flower in his hand and he looks a little nervous. So unless he is a secret admirer of one of you I don't think you'll have much of a chance." Both Mary and Felicia looked disappointed but I forgot all about them as a group of people moved and I finally got a good look at the guy they were talking about. My heart stopped for a second only to start again, now racing in my chest. Shane. He was standing there, looking better than should be allowed. But there was something different about him today. Even though he looked confident there was a hint of something else underneath. An insecurity that was new to me. Just as I had registered that he turned a little and his eyes connected with mine. His lips pulled upwards and it took me a few seconds to realize that it wasn't a smirk, it was a smile. He pulled away from the wall he was leaning against and came towards us.

"Well he's coming over here so maybe he is interested in one of us after all!" I heard Felicia's excitement but I couldn't respond. All I could do was look into Shane's eyes as he came closer. Justin, obviously very observant, must have caught on.

"Yeah, I think you're right. He is interested in you of you girls, but I'm pretty sure it's not you or my dear cousin." I felt the other's eyes on me but I couldn't tear away from those brown, warm eyes. He stopped when he was just a few inches away from me. I just looked at him, unable to speak. He smiled again, looking slightly more nervous than before.

"Hi." I saw him swallow, he really was nervous. This was so not like him!

"Hi. What are you doing here?" He shrugged a little.

"I just thought I would come and met you after class. I've never done that before."

"Yeah, I know. That's why I'm so surprised." I could literally hear Mary, Felicia and Justin thinking, trying to figure the whole situation out. Trying to understand who the guy was, why I had never mentioned him and why I suddenly sounded so cold. I didn't really understand it myself. But suddenly I wanted to know what this was. What we was to him. I didn't wanna be his sex toy anymore. He seemed to sense what I was thinking because he looked very uncomfortable and scratched the back of his neck.

"I know. I know you must be wondering what the hell I'm doing here. I'm not really sure myself but what I am sure of is that I have been treating you like crap the last couple of months, hell I've been treating you like crap ever since I met you almost seven months ago. I woke up today and realized that you deserve better. You deserve so much better than me and that scared the hell out of me. I scared the hell out of me because I realized that if I realized it, then it will only be a matter of time before you realizes it and the I'll lose you." He really looked genuinely scared. But I wanted to be sure he was serious about this, whatever it was.

"I already realized it."

"Then why did you stay?"

"I didn't. I kept coming back. There's a difference. I can't stay with you as long as you don't let me. As long as you keeps pushing me away and shutting me out. As long as there are other girls in the picture I can't stay." He looked a little confused, with every right. I wasn't sure if I understood what I had just said myself.

"Then why did you keep coming back?"

"Because I couldn't stay away. I couldn't stay but I couldn't leave. But I will. I won't come back next time." I wasn't sure where this conviction I felt came from. Who the hell was I kidding? I couldn't stay away from Shane. But somewhere, deep, deep down I knew I was telling him the truth. I was done with that twisted dance we had danced for so long, as Caitlyn had put it. Shane looked down at his feet and then up again. There was a determination in his eyes that I had never seen before.

"What if I told you that there wouldn't be a next time?" I studied his face, search his eyes for any sign that he was lying, to me or just to himself. But there was none. Only honesty.

"Then I would say that I'm willing to give it a shot. But that you have to remember that trust is earned so you can't expect me to trust you right away." He nodded. The suddenly he seemed to remember the lily in his hand. With a small smile he handed it to me.

"This is for you." I could hear Felicia and Mary, I had totally forgotten that they were there, go "aaaaaw" and I smiled.

"Thank you, it's beautiful. How did you know that lilies are my favourite?"

"You told me once, when we were down at the beach that night, remember?" I gasped. I didn't think he remembered that kind of things about me. I didn't think he cared enough to remember.

"I didn't think you listened. Or cared." I now had tears in my eyes. Shane traced the outline of my jaw with his thumb.

"Hey, I remember more than you think, and I care more than you think too." I looked up at him.

"Why? Why do you care? Why not one of your other girls?" Shane let his hand slide down to rest on the back of my neck as he pulled me towards him. Slowly he lowered his head until our lips were only inches apart.

"Because I can't stay away."

_I can't stay away  
I can't stay away  
I can't stay away  
I can't stay away_

**There! My first… Anything in I don't know how long! It really didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I had imagined it to be all dark and depressing like it was in the beginning. I did not see this happy ending coming. I'm not even sure I'm happy with a happy ending for this one. It doesn't go with the song but who am I to argue with my twisted and complicated mind. So, tell me what you think!**


End file.
